Patrick has been an associate practicing member of The International Positive Psychology Association since its inception in 2007, as well as an active member of The National Association for Self Esteem.  Patrick’s passion for teaching young people the Science of Wellbeing stems from his own childhood and teenage experiences and from being a stay at home dad with his two boys since 2001.

Patrick truly believes with all of his heart that “every child has the right to succeed in their daily quest to be happy” though he knows “for so many kids this is a steep uphill journey every day.”  Patrick’s personal experiences with childhood depression and homelessness as a very young teenager led him to commit his life to helping ALL children create the kind of life they want and deserve most, and with guidance they can accomplish, which is a HAPPY LIFE!

Like so many children, Patrick’s childhood was anything but happy.  Alcoholism, emotional and physical abuse and an unsupportive family life led Patrick to fend for himself when he was first told to leave home at the young age thirteen.  Finally committed to finding happiness on his own Patrick left home for good shortly after his fifteenth birthday.  Living on the streets and in youth hostels across Canada for the next year and a half and despite the occasional incarceration for petty crimes Patrick was finally given the support and direction he needed from a very unlikely source.  It was then his life began to change.  At eighteen years old Patrick returned to high school three years behind his peers and while living with friends graduated at age twenty-one, then went on to the University of Guelph in Ontario Canada.

In addition to deep rooted limiting beliefs and low self-esteem issues Patrick needed to deal with as a young man he soon was to come face to face with an intense fear that would send his life in a direction that was the furthest from his mind, but in a direction that would allow him to find his purpose, passion and mission in life.

Convinced that if he was to one day become a father he was likely to be the kind of father to his own children that he experienced from his own father, Patrick was resigned to believing he would simply not become a father.  This obviously had negative effects on his relationships but after meeting the girl he wanted to marry, he knew he was faced with a life changing choice.  Refuse to start a family which would likely destroy his relationship or to replace a deep rooted painful belief with one that would empower him to be the best dad he could possibly be.

Choosing the latter became a transformational journey that ultimately led Patrick to becoming a very passionate and devoted “stay at home” dad for most of his children’s lives.  He then turned the lessons learned through his own experiences and his devotion to the study of the wellbeing of children into a “one of a kind” social and emotional leaning program for children.

If for example you have five members in your family, you can give each member a day of the week to pick out something that they really like to do with the family. If you like you can lay down conditions and time limits. The activities can vary from a board game to cycling to eating out. Prepare everyone in the family in advance for the day. You could make a chart or announce it at the dinner table. For example: Monday is John’s day…. he wants to go fishing. everyone must be ready by five am with these items.

Weekends can be marked out with as many outdoor activities as possible. To parents who have little children it will be a good idea to keep talking about the weekend plans in order to build up the excitement and prepare them for the week’s activity. However, be careful when doing this because, if for some reason the plan does not work out, they may be disappointed. Therefore keep using words such as “if” and “may” instead of “will” and “would”. For example say “if everything goes well and we are able to go to the aquarium this weekend, when we get back we may draw and write about what we saw “. This way children will learn that there always is a possibility that everything may not go according to plan all the time.

If you have road trips in mind this summer, make sure to have loads of games and activities lined up to keep the children engaged and the family connected. Board games and team trials are an excellent choice for family activities. Also try to have some good quality conversation and pick out subjects that are specific to each on of your children. When giving advice make it generic and not specific to a child and try to avoid too much discussion of problems as this might shut down your children. Plan for some quiet time and rest intervals. Sit out under the stars. Try to make them experience new things that they will almost never have at home.

Share some of  the tasks and responsibilities. If your children are teenagers or even younger assign responsibilities such as taking care of the finances, making sure the vehicle is in good condition, planning out the menus and snacks, packing electronics and first aid and making sure some easy to forget items are not forgotten. When everyone contributes it relieves the stress off the parents as well as prepares children to be more responsible. It also makes them feel important and grown up. Reward good behaviour and achievement of objectives using reward charts.

Make good memories. Ask your children to write about their holiday and how they felt about it. A good parent always wants to know what makes their children happy. While photographs are good, asking your children to paint a picture of their holiday can become an incredible fun family activity. Make sure no one gets to peek at anyones picture until they are all done.

Holidays are a great time for connecting as a family. When I look back at my life I remember the adventurous moments we spent together outside of the home and how new and different experiences and challenges brought us together as a family. How the car broke down on the way home and how somebody got sick on the road are some of the gems I carry with me today. And as I conclude I can only hope that my children have as fullfilling a childhood as I did have, because before they know it, they will have nothing more than just memories from their past! So lets try to make them golden ones!

“What do swans eat?” Jay asked a few minutes later, watching a pair swimming toward us with their cygnets.  I opened the browser on my Droid.  “Seaweed, insects, and snails,” I replied.

With the internet in our pockets, or at least easily accessible, most of us have instant access to much of the knowledge of the world.  We can answer almost any questions accurately by peering into our magic screens.

Parenting by the Book

Because many of us do not have experience with children, we approach parenting by researching and reading.  Soon, we are armed with statistics and historical facts that validate our choices.  It feels good to be doing things our way.

This type of information-gathering can help us uncover new ideas and remedy old hurts.  At the same time, all this knowing can disconnect us from what we really Know.

I Know!  (So why don’t I believe myself?)

Growing up tends to silence our inner voice.  We are shushed and learn that it is not right to be overly boisterous when we are joyful.  Our tears are wiped away with gentle assurances that “It’s okay,” or a curt, “Big girls don’t cry.”  When we are afraid, we are told there’s nothing to be afraid of.

By the time we reach adulthood, we understand the proper ways to behave.  And most of them require silencing the small still voice inside of us that Knows.

Learning to Trust Ourselves

What if, when we want to know something, we spent time observing and considering what we see and hear before looking up the “right” answer?  (We could have enjoyed watching the swans and guessing what they were doing when their heads dunked underwater.)

What if, when our children are distressed we checked in with ourselves and asked, “How can I help my child?” before asking our friends on the board of Facebook for advice?  (I suspect that we often Know what our children need and are actually led astray by listing symptoms and asking for solutions.)

Here is a simple and effective way to access your Knowing.

1.       Place your hand on your heart.

2.       Breathe into your heart for a count of six.

3.       Breathe out of your heart for a count of six.

4.       Continue until you feel centered and congruent with your heart.

5.       Ask your heart a question, such as, “How can I help my child now?”  If you want to know something but aren’t sure how to phrase it, ask, “What do I need to know right now?”

6.       Listen.

I am not abandoning my smart-phone, library, or friends.  I do intend to listen to my own wisdom first more often.

Where do you find information for the parenting journey?  How do you determine if it is right for your family?

Natalia Erehnah, Speaker, Writer, Easier Living Coach

Our ban on language extends beyond swearing, and this is why:

The subconscious mind is the part of the brain that processes our language and implements it into our physiology. For example, if you close your eyes and imagine a situation that is frightening to you, you will get a physiological response such as your heart beating faster or sweaty palms. In the same way, certain words that may seem harmless can get into our psyche and form part of our character and belief system. Much of our damaging negative self talk (things we say to ourselves in our heads) can be traced back to things we were told as kids.

The truth is, that young children trust their parents (or older siblings!) and believe that what you are saying is true! So be very careful what you say to them. None of us are perfect and we can say things in the heat of the moment out of frustration etc. that we don’t really mean. If this does happen, it is important you apologise to your child and explain that you were angry and didn’t mean what you said (more about dealing with anger in another post).

Back to the language that is banned in our house…

1. “You’re a naughty boy / girl”

If your child hears you saying they are naughty, they’ll probably believe it! Not only is it not true, it will actually subconsciously encourage more “naughty” behaviour because the child will often act out according to the perceived expectations.

Furthermore, to me, “naughty” implies intent. Most behaviours that children exhibit that are not in keeping with what we want, is because they don’t understand that these behaviours are not OK, nor why.

For example, I heard a mum yell at her 2 year old that he was very naughty for running on the road. A 2 year old does not have the understanding that running on the road is dangerous, but may have an understanding that running on the road will get them some attention! Kids will always seek positive attention, and if they can’t get that, they will settle for negative attention rather than no attention!

So, rather than telling our kids they are naughty for running on the road, we tell them (calmly!) they MUST hold hands while crossing the road, that the roads are dangerous and it’s probably safer to carry them across the road when they are that young.

2.            You’re a bad boy / girl.

We may be ridiculously optimistic in our outlook, but my husband Peter and I believe, there are no bad people, only bad behaviour. Children behave “badly” when their needs aren’t being met. So rather than telling our kids they’re bad, we address the behaviour (not the child) by correcting the behaviour then asking the child what is going on for them emotionally to cause them to act this way.

3.            Dumb / stupid / idiot / moron / other “labels”

Not only do we not allow ourselves to use these words, we don’t allow any children in our home talk about others this way. And we are especially strict when it comes to children (or adults!) referring to themselves this way!

We believe in the philosophy that we need to be kind to ourselves and others, practice compassion. “Intelligence” is a modern psychological construct which is linked to academic performance in traditional schooling and has limited bearing on life success (Emotional intelligence is a far more reliable predictor of success in life – more about that later). Someone who may be “dumb” according to these parameters may be a genius pianist or orator. Being labelled as “dumb” or “stupid” can limit a child’s belief in their own potential to step outside these parameters and fulfil their potential in their own area of genius (which I believe every person has).

4.             “I can’t”

If we tell ourselves “I can’t”, then we are sending our subconscious a message that there’s no point in even attempting a task and we set ourselves up for failure.

“I can’t” can also be used as a cop out, when the real truth is “I won’t” – in other words, I choose not to.

We encourage our kids to say, “I haven’t figured out how to yet” or, “I’m still trying”, or “I don’t want to do that today” – all of which are more powerful and include taking responsibility than saying, “I can’t”.

Try some different rules around what your family says to each other – and to yourself!!

Let me know how you go!

- Stephanie

Apple cider vinegar can also be applied directly to the skin with cotton wool (for acne and skin conditions as well as drinking it). Or added to water for baths and foot soaking. If you don’t like the taste of vinegar, just add to organic apple juice!
• Raw unrefined coconut oil – Often referred to as the healthiest oil on earth! It has many health benefits. Coconut oil has anti bacterial, anti fungal and anti viral properties and can be taken for a multitude of ailments and infections. Once mistakenly thought to be bad because of its saturated fat content, coconut oil is now known to contain a unique form of saturated fat that actually helps prevent heart disease, stroke, and hardening of the arteries and also promotes weight loss!
The saturated fat in coconut oil is unlike the fat found in meat or other vegetable fats. It is identical to a special group of fats found in human breast milk that have been shown to improve digestion, strengthen the immune system, and protect against bacterial, viral, and fungal infections. Coconut oil has been used throughout Asia and the Pacific for thousands of years as both a food and medicine. A good therapeutic dosage is 3-4 tablespoons a day. ( taken directly or used in cooking)
• Oregano oil – Wild organic oregano oil is one of the strongest antibiotics on earth! It has been proven to kill MRSA more effectively than the 18 pharmaceutical antibiotics it was tested against. Used to treat a multitude of ailments and infections it is a must for any medicine bag. Taken best as an external treatment for example, for a chest infection – mix 1 part oregano oil to 3 parts olive oil (or other suitable carrier oil of your choice) and massage into the neck and chest. For babies and young children, use 1 drop of oregano oil to 3 drops olive oil and massage into the soles of the feet.
• Garlic – Also anti bacterial, anti viral and anti fungal, it has many health benefits from fighting infections, easing toothache and lowering cholesterol. (odourless garlic tablets are easily available, alternatively you can chew on raw garlic cloves or use garlic powder in food)

• When any infection occurs, ensure plenty of fresh filtered water (not tap water) is given, as well as a good dose of vitamins and probiotics.

The above remedies are just a few that can be used to support the immune system, and cure illness and infection – there are many more natural, safe remedies available such as Echinacea, goldenseal, colloidal silver, olive leaf, neem leaf and many more. (not to mention the many homeopathic remedies available) So before you go rushing off in a panic to the drugstore or chemist, take a detour to your local health food store instead!

Do you ever experience self-doubt when you’re about to do something new?

Do you ever get the jitters and feel nervous?

Do you ever wonder where your self-confidence has gone when this happens?

Guess what…you’re normal!

You’re supposed to feel a little nervous before you do something new — your brain is wired that way to help protect you!

You see, whenever you experience something new, your brain builds neural pathways, or “connections in the brain”, that let you know that you’ve experienced it before. That’s how you build memories and learn new things. The more you do something, the stronger the neural pathways become.

If your brain hasn’t experienced something before, there are NO neural pathways. Your mind doesn’t know HOW to think about it. Therefore when your brain experiences something new, it puts your body on alert in case the new thing is dangerous — your senses become more alert; your heart rate increases; and you many feel nervous, anxious, or excited.

But, once you start building neural pathways, your brain settles in and says, “OK…I’ve done this before. It’s going to be OK. I can relax now.”

Let’s look at an example…

Say you’ve never jumped off of a high dive before. The first time you climb up the ladder your body will feel a little nervous – your mind knows that jumping from a high place can be dangerous. But as soon as you take your first jump, and live to tell about it, your brain will build a neural pathway letting you know that when you jump off of a high dive into deep water – you will be OK. The second time you jump, you won’t feel as nervous as the first…and by the 10th jump you’ll probably be having so much fun that you won’t be nervous at all. You see, each time you jump, the neural pathways become stronger and your brain becomes more comfortable with the activity.

But what if your nerves and self-doubt keep you from ever taking that first jump?

What if they keep you from ever taking on new challenges or taking risks?

This can be a debilitating experience for many people – kids and grownups. The good news is that you can learn to settle your nerves and boost your self-confidence before you take on the new task.

How?

By building neural pathways before you’ve actually experienced the new situation. You can actually train your brain for success!

In the next post, you’ll learn a four step process to help you (and your kids) build neural pathways, calm your nerves, and boost your self-confidence before you take on a new task!

For more information about empowering your kids to proactively build self-confidence see http://www.adventuresinwisdom.com.

I write childrens book, reviews, magazine articles, and blog a lot, when I’m not doing family things or training the new dog. I love sports, rock-climbing, cricket, and reality TV shows.  I used to be a big corporate Internet Marketing specialist, when I decided to move and try to get a more balanced life. I can’t call it calm, but it’s a lot of fun, madness and laughter!

I suggest that parents who seek infant care for their baby or toddler simply follow the list of suggestions below to make their path smoother. I say “simply” but it won’t be simple. It will be hard. It will pull at your heartstrings. It will challenge you in ways you have not yet been challenged. Most parents will find a good fit for them and their child which will enhance their family life. A good program will focus on their child’s development and will ultimately create the third leg of the stool that balances a working family’s life. Trust your gut and your five senses. Listen to others, but follow your own heart. And never, ever feel stuck.

1. Trust your instincts. Look at many locations, ignore the address, the neighborhood and go as if you are window shopping. The experiences, the variety of places will open your mind to what you like and what you don’t. You may find a program and staff that you love that is not near your home. This experience will lead you to find something that is both convenient and inspires the feeling that you loved. So, trust your feelings. Sometimes convenience becomes secondary.

2. Go without an appointment. A child care center (not a person’s home) should allow all parents to come without an appointment. Even in a home environment, short notice should be okay. If an appointment is required, my gut says “no”.

3. Trust your senses. All of your senses. Look, smell, listen, feel and taste (the food) if possible. Parents are smart. Trust yourself. You can tell the difference between a well-used art room that is messy and an environment that is unclean. You will not confuse a messy spaghetti lunch with an unsanitary kitchen environment. Do you smell air freshener or cleanser? Do you smell cooking and play dough or mold and urine? Trust your senses.

4. Give second chances. If you might have caught a bad moment; a day when staff ratios were impacted, the director was sick or an incident made your visit or call uncomfortable. Give them a second chance. Call back and see if it sounds different, feels different. Visit again and try to vary the hour that you visited. Everyone has an off moment.

5. Ask tough questions. I always encourage new parents to ask ANY questions. I will start off by asking them to think of the scary ones. Parents tend to tip-toe around the REAL questions that we want to have answered. Here’s a few examples:

How will you make sure no one takes my child without permission?

What will you do if there is a crisis and you cannot reach me?

How can you be sure that the teachers are observed and they are safe to be with my child?

What do I do if I am unsatisfied with care?

1. Go Single. Take your child for round two. Avoid taking a Grandma (or anyone who is not your supporter) with you. It’s just my opinion, but if she disapproves of child care, criticizes your parenting or you working at all – don’t take her.

2. Make a powerful decision. Your child will have as good of an experience as you model to them. Be a positive leader. Let your child hear you say how great it will be. Keep your fears and anxiety completely away from children’s ears. Even babies, yes babies. Your child can hear you talking on the phone to your girlfriend, sense your apprehension and they will mirror your emotions. If you expect him/her to be upset when you leave, this is YOUR problem. If you feel unsure, your child may mirror your anxiety. Check it long before you arrive. Make special time for yourself, with your beloved or a good friend to discuss and vent your fears and worries, sadness or guilt – but don’t create drama for your child. You will both do fine!

There they sit, one minute for every year old, contemplating their transgressions and regrouping.  They take a break from out-of-control emotions and behaviors and call on inner resources and external support systems to return to a harmonious state.

As I walk through our modern world, watching adults running like hamsters on treadmills and children getting exercise from the wii, I wonder:

If children had more time out(side) and time off, would they still need time outs?

We live in an age of over-stimulation and overwhelm.  For all of our time-saving devices, we work more and sleep and relax less than humans of times past.

Children need time off from school and from schedules. They need to have time to do nothing and time to do whatever they want. There are studies that validate the importance of play in the development of critical thinking and problem solving skills.  But we don’t need studies.  Be observing our children at play, we can see this natural development in action.

My three children (13, 11 and eight) often play in our yard with the neighbors (12 and 10).  Even though they are an odd number and different ages, even though one of them is autistic, they figure out how to play kick-ball and other games in a way that is fair.

“Sarah and I get only two outs and the boys get three,” my daughter informs me one day.  The next day, if three or four of them want to play, they find another solution.  No adults mediate or suggest anything.  When they are red-cheeked and sweaty, they reach for water and flop on the grass to rest.

Implementing the New Time Out

Amidst school or homeschool activities, sports, music, and dance schedules, and work obligations of parents, it can be challenging to find a way to, as my children say, chillax.  Here are some ideas to get started:

1.      Take a Mental Health Day away from school.

Let the kids stay home and do nothing once in a while.  This may keep them balanced and healthy so they don’t have to get sick to get a break.

• Check out this excellent video on how we get sick.

2.      Schedule at least one day per week with no planned activities.

For us, this is Sunday.  We all look forward to it.

3.      Encourage free play.

Let the children fill their own time.  Save your boxes and paper towel rolls and see what happens.

4.      Spend time outdoors that is not in organized sports.

Children love to make up their own games or explore.  You don’t have to do anything (beyond ensuring safety).  They will create worlds, climb trees, and make their own fun.

5.      Be Silly.

I’m not good at silly, but the children love it.  So Daddy takes over and they giggle and scare each other and tell jokes.  If you need help, share your children with an adult who knows how to have fun.

6.      Go All the Way:  Take a Year Off

Consider how you can take a Really Big Time Out.  Take a vacation.  Homeschool.  Travel.  Enjoy.

Check out these families who did it.

One Year Off: Leaving It All Behind for a Round-the-World Journey with Our Children by David Elliot Cohen

The Family Sabbatical Handbook: The Budget Guide To Living Abroad With Your Family by Elisa Bernick

Benefits of the New Time Out

There is a Sufi tale that tells of a scholar being ferried by Nasrudin across a body of water.

“Have you learned mathematics?” he asks the ferry-man.

“No,” Nasrudin replies.

“Do you understand the sciences?” he continued.

“No,” Nasrudin answered.

Next, the scholar chided Nasrudin for his ungrammatical language, and, hearing that the boat-man never went to school exclaimed, “Half of your life has been wasted!”

Shortly afterwards, Nasrudin asked him: “Did you learn to swim?”

“No, I did not,” replied the scholar.

“Well, in this case it seems all your life has been wasted.  We are sinking,” said Nasrudin.

Reading, writing, and arithmetic are useful skills.  Proficiency in sports, music, and arts can bring much enjoyment.  But over-planning and over-scheduling may produce an ignorance of how to live.

After I post this, I will go and enjoy my own time out(side).  I hope that after your read, you will too.